Reducing men to their consoles
You’re dating a guy. And he *gasp* plays videogames. Being a woman, you have no concept of game consoles whatsoever except for that time that you caught a glimpse of Nicole Kidman playing a DS during the commercial break for “The View.” Well, fear not! MSN has compiled a helpful list of stereotypes bullshit “personality profiles” for what a man’s consoles say about him. Here are some samples, along with my highly inappropriate knee-jerk reactions.
Q: What does a PlayStation reveal about a dude?
[...]
Owen: This is your 21st-century individual who enjoys gaming and demands the best out of his experience—and probably his women. The PS3 guy enjoys life to its fullest. He is sophisticated, intelligent, enjoys competition and is willing to wait for a good thing. He is loyal as well.
“…He doesn’t understand the meaning of the phrase ‘cognitivie dissonance,’ even when you point out that saying that he demands the best out of his WOMEN (plural) but then pointing out that he is loyal. He looks at you blankly, tells you to shut the fuck up and just stand there and look pretty, then slaps you on the ass and tells you not to touch the stereo in his Miyada when he opens the door for you. He tells you to go and powder your nose and then hits on the waitress.”
Q. What does a Wii tell a gal about her potential date?
[...]
Satterfield: This guy is not the typical slack-jawed, bleary-eyed gamer who wants to sit on the couch staring blankly at the screen for hours on end. You can rest assured that this type of guy is smart with his money…
“…He knows how to brush his teeth, but has some trouble because he just can’t seem to get his jaw slack enough to reach those back areas. He knows how to operate some of the more complicated sextoys. He won’t be able to stare into your eyes for hours on end; He’ll want to fiddle with your boobs.”
Q. And what does the Xbox divulge about its owner?
[...]
Satterfield: These guys tend to like extremely violent, visceral games, as well as the social aspect of connecting with friends online. They may be living out an active and social life through games, because they are a bit on the shy side. Xbox 360 fans tend to make good money and like to spend it. These guys are passionate about gaming and that transfers into the bedroom as well.
“…Check his freezer for old girlfriends.”
November 6th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
This article was useless. I want to convey that I’m a god in bed and make a ton of money. Which video game system will do that?
Seriously: why did they get people who hate video gamers to write this article?
November 6th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
I want to know what qualifies these guys as experts about gamers. It looks more like an analysis of general purchasing profiles that people pull out of their ass for use in marketing. Of course, ask a stupid question…
Also, if a guy has all three, does that mean he has multiple personalities?
November 6th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
What about the guy who has all of those? Or only the last gen consoles? And what in the hell does owning those console’s say about a woman? Oh wait that’s right we women don’t like video games, EVER. Too manly and difficult for our tiny girly brains to comprehend, which is why we need MSN to give us the lowdown.
Blech that simplistic mish-mash of crap says more about the ‘experts’ who contributed to it than it does about men who game.
November 7th, 2007 at 9:27 am
Building on what you said, why does there seem to be such a prohibition in the media against simply admitting that women like to play videogames too? I mean, we have all of these special interest feature stories to plumb the adorable new fad of women picking of videogames, but why do so many of them come off with such stupid “she’d just doing it because she wants to make herself more appealing to the boys” overtones?
Not to mention the pathology of writing some convoluted article serving up big helping spoonfulls of lazy-thinking easy crap so that women can feel like they know something about someone else without having to be… you know… direct and just asking them.
November 7th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
My father left me a Maxim magazine before he left this week. While I’m not going to detail the sexist and white frat boy mentality in each and every page that this thing sweats, I will note that, in the party subsection, a Dr. Jackie Black described what a woman would be like depending on what she drank, from martinis to rum and Cokes.
According to Black, if you drink red wine, for example you are “health conscious and conservative, but also sensual, warm, and nurturing. [You] like the warmth wine gives when it hits [your] throat.”
Thank you Dr. Black, for that worthless mental imagery. I’ll be grouping you with the MSN editors and videogames now, because you are grouping personality with pop psychology and taste in drinks. Do people honestly buy this?
November 10th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
So any man who even owns a game system of some sort is mentally unbalanced. Wow. Where do they find people to write this tuff?
November 11th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
[...] Article: “Reducing Men to Their Consoles” Author: Mighty Ponygirl Address: http://www.mightyponygirl.com/feminist_gamers/?p=276 [...]
November 17th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
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